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The new normal.

Well after having four months off I head back to work tomorrow. To say I'm freaking out about it is a total understatement.

I freaking cried to my husband yesterday about being scared that my son is going to forget who I am. William reassured me that wasn't going to happen. I am still not convinced... lol.

Being gone for 8 hours a day is a lot. How do you other moms do it? I mean and I only work 32 hours a week and I feel like my world is ending. Luckily while I'm at work our moms will be watching Ansel. I have really big trust issues stemming from being molested at 4 years old by an adult male...So leaving him with anyone else was simply not a option.

Oh and I'm totally not hating on any of the moms that have to use childcare... We are so lucky to have so many people who love children enough to take care of our babies while we are away. I'm just feeling extremely blessed that my mom works 20 hours a week and Wills mom is retired because without them I honestly don't know what we would do.

Tomorrow is going to be a huge adjustment, but me and my husband had a discussion last night and agreed that it will be interesting to see how we do with our new daily lives now that we are both going to be back at work. It's crazy that everything has been such a new adventure, that when people tell you nothing will ever be the same again, its really true. We went for our first restaurant family outing yesterday and luckily they stuck us in a private room because that was interesting to say the least. Movie nights will be at home from now on for a while, so we can pause it for meltdowns. Our trips will be more kid friendly, but to be honest that really Isn't much of a change since we are both just big kids already. I am not complaining either because honestly this has been the greatest 3 months of my life. I mean it...The Greatest!!

I'll definitely update you all, if my kid doesn't remember who I am when i come home tomorrow. I'm sure everyone is right and It will be kinda cool to feel like a normal adult for 8 hours and have some other kind of human interaction that isn't a baby.

It is crazy though, looking back and thinking about the past and about how I used to want to move and start over somewhere else. I couldn't even imagine that now. This baby has totally changed me for the better. I still have a lot of growing up to do, but I suppose Ansel and I will do it together and that in itself will be quite the adventure. Which to me is kinda beautiful and incredible. Thanks for being my son little boy. I love you.

#mother #son #Ansel